Why Nice Guys Finish Last

You hear it all the time in life, television, and the movies: “He was such a nice guy but it didn’t work out.” The seemingly never-ending plight of nice guys everywhere losing the girl to someone that comes off as an “asshole” to them. This has led to the common thought that women like to be treated like garbage, and that is why they seek out the “assholes” instead of the nice guy. I’m here to tell you right now why “nice guys” finish last, and why the guys they lose to are not “assholes.”

It seems as though more and more men are falling into the “nice guy” category, and it befuddles me as to why that is. It has grown to such proportion that nowadays every woman knows at least one “nice guy” and every circle of people or clique probably has a couple.

Here is a quick test to see if you might be one of these “nice guys”:

1. Do most of your relationships start or end with “Let’s just be friends”?
2. Do you constantly seek the approval of women and/or idolize them?
3. When in a relationship, do you try to “buy” love with gifts?
4. Do women you are attracted to tell you that you are like a “brother” to them?

If you answered “yes” to more than one of the above questions you are probably what women will ultimately consider a “nice guy.”

What Factors Make a “Nice Guy”?

After reading a few articles and other publications on the subject, I have come to the conclusion that the two most common traits among men who fall into this category are:

1. They idolize women, placing them on a pedestal, making women a “higher being” themselves.
2. Are afraid of their masculinity, or at the very least do not embrace it fully.

Now let’s break these two down into a little more discussion:

They idolize women, placing them on a pedestal, making women a “higher being” themselves.

Studies have shown that with the increasing detachment of children from their parents, particularly their fathers due to high divorce rates over the last 30 years, that boys are losing the key male figure in their lives. This concept coupled with the fact that the primary education system is comprised mostly of women means that in both home and school, young boys in today’s world are more exposed to authoritative women than men. This means that the boys of today are being “groomed” in a way toward seeking the approval of women.

As a result of this shift of authoritative figures from other men (i.e. fathers) to women, young males nowadays are thinking of women in an idolized fashion. Women are thought to be “above” that of these males, subsequently leading to the belief that the only way to attract these “higher” women is to compensate somehow for the gap. This leads to men being too caring, which then leads to the feeling that they are “coming on too strong or too fast.” The need to seek approval of women also speaks toward the confidence levels of these men. Since the feeling is that they are somehow inadequate to these “pedestal women” they must then do things like buy gifts to compensate.

Are afraid of their masculinity, or at the very least do not embrace it fully.

One of the key impacts that modern day feminism has had on society is the smearing of the idea of a man. Feminism and its ideologies turn men into harsh animals that are unwanted by the general female population. The common term “Men are pigs” is one such result of the feminist movement.

What this had done is create the idea that being a man is bad. The logic seems flawless doesn’t it? If all men are pigs, and women don’t like pigs, then why try to be a man?

Another contributing factor to the idea of “manliness” as a negative is the steady growth of the lesbian population. In most mainstream media lesbians are depicted as women who are just “tired of men” and feel that other women who are “caring and affectionate” are better suited to their emotional needs. This has led to men adopting the “caring and affectionate” model in their relationships, but oftentimes in too strong a dose.

What Does It All Mean?

The basic idea here is that because of the idea that women do not like men, and because women are held into higher esteem that men due to social upbringing, that “nice guys” come about as a way to combat these two adversities. These men feel inadequate next to the “pedestal woman” and at the same time feel that being a man is negative in the eyes of women.

So What Should “Nice Guys” Do?

In order to break out of the funk of being a “nice guy” who is doomed to exist in the “friend zone” of relationships, one must take the following steps:

1. Stop idolizing women, realize that they are no better and no worse than men
2. Embrace your masculinity and be proud to be male

The first step is pretty self-explanatory. Taking the idea of a woman off the pedestal makes them social equals. Realizing that there is no social differences between men and women establishes a sense of equality and eliminates the need to compensate for a perceived inadequacy.

The second step is rather difficult to fully understand unless we delve into a deeper discussion.

Estrogen and testosterone are two hormones that distinguish male and female. Studies have shown that females with heightened levels of estrogen are more often classified as “attractive.” Higher levels of estrogen give females enhanced feminine features, especially in the face. Since estrogen is linked to fertility, it is most likely an evolutionary basis by which men find women with more estrogen to be more attractive.

Testosterone is the male equivalent of estrogen. Higher testosterone levels are linked to degrees of male attractiveness as it enhances male characteristics. Just as men have a basic attraction to women who display enhanced female characteristics, women are attracted on a basic level by enhanced male characteristics.

Therefore the idea that “being a man is bad” goes against everything that science has taught us about the laws of attraction. Embracing your masculinity and being proud of it is one way of increasing confidence levels. As with anything in life that revolves around relationships, having strong confidence is key. Women seek out confident men.

So Why Are Women Attracted to Assholes?

They are not, at least not on any level that would lead to a long-lasting, healthy relationship.

The concept of women seeking out “assholes” is actually pretty subjective. We know that women seem to be attracted to athletes and rebellious men, who are the ones you have probably been labeling as an asshole.

These men demonstrate heightened levels of testosterone. Whether through working out (the “jock”) or through taking risks and living dangerously, these men are displaying their levels of testosterone. Again, estrogen for women is an indicator of underlying health and fertility, just as testosterone is for men. So if studies show that men are attracted to women with high estrogen, odds are they are attracted to men with more testosterone.

Is It Really That Simple?

Unfortunately, no. Although we can have a discussion for hours on end about estrogen and testosterone, with human beings these biological topics only scratch the surface. With the human ability to rationalize and feel emotions like love comes a whole different level of complexity in finding a good relationship.

The bottom line is that attracting a woman requires a balance of different things, which varies from woman to woman. However, the biological constant in each woman is their attraction to men who demonstrate levels of testosterone. In essence, men who act like men.

So drop the “nice guy” act and get with the program. Finding a woman should not be the sole purpose of your time. Act naturally as a man and don’t perceive women as better than you, and the good relationships will come.

Until next time, good luck!

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