FPF: Drinks Men Should Never Get

It’s a Friday night and you’re out at the local club or bar with your friends just “shootin’ the shit” or trying futilely to pick up girls. Since it’s a night out with no workday to worry about tomorrow, you all head to the bar to order up some drinks. Whether you are celebrating a special event (or just life) or attempting to drown yourself in booze, there are a few things that you as a man should consider before ordering your alcoholic beverage. There are a few things you just can’t get away with, and should never be called on in a social situation. Faux Pas Friday this week will focus on the “Ten Drinks No Man Should Ever Order”.

In these types of situations it is safe to assume that any alcohol that you would normally drink while watching large men tackle each other around a pigskin ball is considered manly and appropriate for the social setting. A group of men sitting around at a bar or club drinking beer is not an unusual sight. In fact, God himself may have intelligently designed men to operate this way. The idea of a “manly” man attracts females, and there is certainly no way to ruin the image of a man with a beer in one’s hand (unless its non-alcoholic of course).

Here is a short list of the TOP 10 drinks that no man should ever have during a social outing with the guys:

1. Blended Drinks — Anything blended is most certainly short of masculine. The only exception to this rule is if you are sitting on a beach with hot bikini babes running around you.
2. Cosmopolitans — It’s brightly colored and full of fruitiness, but devoid of all manliness.
3. “Neat” drinks — Never. The only man acceptable exception is if you are drinking well aged Scotch.
4. Whipped Cream drinks — If your drink has any addition of whipped cream, you should stand up immediately and yell at the bartender insisting you did not order this drink. Really this is the only way to recover from the embarrassment.
5. Jello shots — For women only. Not accept under any circumstance… unless you are aspiring to be a woman of course.
6. Over-garnished — If the majority of your drink is comprised of garnishes (fruits, etc.), you should not have ordered it.
7. Straw drinks — It’s very hard to look like you are brimming with raw masculinity when you’re sipping your drink through a straw.
8. Fruity Malt — Malt beverages infused with fruit = NOT FOR MEN
9. “-tini” drinks — Any drink that ends in “-tini” but is not the true, original form of the drink made with vodka and/or gin should not touch the lips of any man.
10. White Zindfandel — If I need to elaborate, you need to stop drinking. Period.

This concludes this weeks Faux Pas Friday feature. It is my hope that you take this information to heart… or in this case to your liver.

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Faux Pas Friday is a weekly short feature where Manliness101.com highlights social rules that men should abide by, in order to help them avoid looking stupid, foolish, girly, unrefined, and otherwise without testicles.

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